Chef_Troy's Journal

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The Master List of Original Words submitted to "One Different Letter"
The thoughtful and dedicated ODL'er

ludzu_alus kindly made available this alphabetical list of real words (aka "paleologisms") already submitted to "One Different Letter" as a reference for anyone who plays the game. I'm going to do my best to keep it up to date.

( The Alphabetical List of Real Word Submissions )

So... how can I learn more about Search Engine Optimization, and establish/build my skill at doing it?

So.

About a year ago, the family and I took a cruise. I spent a lot of time in the on-board casino (winning, no less), and took home several hundred dollars in winnings. Some of it I used at another casino on a couple of occasions, but I've had $200 riding around in my wallet for a LONG time, trying to find something I wanted to spend it on. (I made half-hearted noises about putting it into the bank when I lost my job, but I got shut down by Mrs. Chef and didn't fight very hard.)

My son has been playing Guitar Hero over at his best friend's house and making none-too-subtle remarks to the effect of "gee, wouldn't it be GREAT if WE had Guitar Hero?" Then, the best friend's older brother moved out and took all the GH games with him.

At Mrs. Chef's suggestion, I decided to look into getting GH: World Tour for our Wii; The local emporium de tarzhay had the game with two guitars for $99, so -- officially for me, but really mostly for him -- I bought it with half of my remaining casino winnings. Chef Jr. invited his buddy over, and they shredded much shreddage this weekend; I tried it, and sucked like a Dyson, and thought to myself that I probably wouldn't play it much, because I only like to do things I'm good at.

Then, tonight, Chef Jr. called out to me, "Hey, Dad?" (*shy pause*) "Want to play Guitar Hero with me?" I'm not going to turn down a chance to hang with my boy, so I jumped up and grabbed the second guitar.

Whereupon I discovered that it's only guitar I suck at. I LIKE playing bass on GH:WT, and I'm not bad at it for an old geezer. (Yes, I'm still playing on "Easy" mode. Suck my whammy bar.) We worked our way through perhaps a dozen songs tonight. I finally cried uncle at around 11:30, and my big tough teenager gave me a hug and said, "That was a lot of fun, wasn't it?"

Yes, son. Yes it was.

Thank you SO much, the_gneech!
I never thought there could be a better video accompaniment to this song than the one that ran on Tiny Toon Adventures, but this takes the blue ribbon without even trying.

Chef Troy's Shrimp Creole (Tweaked for Weight Watchers)
I was surprised how Weight-Watchers-friendly this recipe of mine already was... the only thing I had to change was to substitute cooking spray for the butter/oil mixture I used to use to sauté the veggies in. Almost everything in it is zero points - the only exceptions are the rice (4 points per cup) and the shrimp (2 points for 4 oz.), plus one extra miscellaneous point if you're really being strict with yourself.

( Chef Troy's Shrimp Creole )

I've had the pilot episode of "Glee" sitting on the DVR since it aired and just got to it tonight.

It was... NOT what I expected. It's surreal, bizarre, and utterly utterly delightful. Any show that can conceive of recasting Amy Winehouse's "Rehab" as a super-peppy glee-club song has earned a spot in my fall lineup.

Of course, I am terrified that it will prove too quirky for ~~TV viewers~~ advertisers and will die a quick death, but on the other hand, "Dollhouse" got picked up for a second season, so anything's possible.

If you missed it, check this out:

yoinked from biquet
The opening number of Carmina Burana, "O Fortuna," with helpful English subtitles.

Seeing a pie coming at you doesn't make it more fun when it hits you in the face.
My supervisor just called me in and said that this is going to be my final week at the BSA; in a cost-cutting move that actually makes sense to me, they're getting rid of the costly contract worker *points at self* and splitting his duties among the salaried editors.

I've been expecting it, frankly. Earlier in my tenure here, I always had a job I was working on, three or four more in a stack on my desk awaiting their turn, and a couple more that would be arriving soon. The last couple of months, though, I've often had to scratch for something to do before I completely ran out of work. It was inevitable that someone would wonder why they were paying me so much when they could just load my work onto someone they were already paying anyway.

I was pleased that they didn't try to make it out to be something that was my fault - not that there would be any benefit in doing so for them, since I was a contract worker who's overstayed his original two-month contract by more than a year.

Still, I did enjoy this job, and it sucks that I have to go out in THIS economy and try to find something. Hopefully the staffing agency that placed me here will have something else for me. If not, well, the great thing about being a writer/editor is that you're NEVER unemployed... you just go freelance.

Current Mood: resigned

Your moment of grouchiness, courtesy of Cheffie
I HATE it when an audience starts sloppily clapping along to a song when they're at a concert. Even if they were all laser-perfect, clapping on the one with no stragglers, I'd still hate it, because it's like adding cowbell to "Don't Fear the Reaper" without the humor.

Stop doing that, you fucking sheep. If you want to clap along to music, go camping and sing around the campfire.

Until someone makes me a "wearily clutching my forehead" icon, "angry" will have to do.
Every time my son gets a bad grade on a test or something, he calls me at work from the school counselor's office to tell me.

I am not exactly glancing at the clock every day hoping against hope that today will be the day that I get another one of these calls.

I think he does it because he wants to get it off his chest, because he thinks I'll cool down about it between now and when I pick him up, and because he wants a witness in case I reach through the phone and dope-slap him.

Today's call was a special one. Instead of a bad grade on one test or one piece of homework, he was calling me to tell me that he has a 60 average in biology class for the entire grading period.

That's right, folks, my scary-smart son is flunking a class.

Apparently he tried to call his mother about it first, thinking this might be the call that finally got me to set him on fire with my mind, but she couldn't take the call. When she later called me to find out what was up, I told her, and her reaction was "It's those goddamned video games. They're nothing but a distraction. Well, you know what we're going to do? We're going to pack 'em up. They're going away. We're disconnecting the Wii, we're confiscating the Xbox controllers and his DS, and that's that."

My silent reaction to that idea was "Well SHIT. I'm not flunking biology -- why the hell can't I still play?" But I've been giving it some thought, and the truth is that video games ARE a huge distraction, and there are several other ways I could more profitably be using that time, so I'll go along with it.

My brother's family has a policy of "no electronics during the week." Starting Sunday at dinnertime, nobody -- including the grownups -- plays video games or uses the computers except for work (I'm not sure about the television). The ban lifts right after school every Friday and lasts the weekend. Apparently it works well; I may suggest to Mrs. Chef that we do the same, rather than instituting an outright ban.

Okay, if you're a reasonably trim man whose brother is a FAT man, you might want to think twice before sending your brother a link to a Web site called "This Is Why You're Fat" without explaining what it is.

I mean, the site is funny and all, and he later clarified that no message was intended, but that was a jolt.

Also, our satellite box has been locking up, so they sent us a new one. Which is great and everything, but damn it, I had a BUNCH of stuff on the DVR that I hadn't watched yet, including:

ALL of this season's episodes of "Heroes"

ALL of this season's episodes of "Chuck" after the first three

The last five or six episodes of "House" before they moved it opposite "Chuck" (about that move, by the way - DAMN IT!)

The second and third episodes of "Trust Me"

This week's episode of "No Reservations"

All the episodes so far of "Dollhouse"

And probably more that I'm forgetting.

I think this is the excuse I've been looking for to drop "Heroes" from my viewing schedule. Still, when I set up the new timers, I'm going to have to decide whether "Chuck" or "House" makes the cut, and damn it, nobody should have to make a Sophie's choice like that.

Oy, I'm going to have to set up all the timers again. DAMN IT!

What the hell do you MEAN, "So What"?
Fifty years ago today, Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Cannonball Adderly, Bill Evans, Paul Chambers, Jimmy Cobb, and Paul Chambers recorded the first three tracks of what would become arguably the best jazz album ever recorded before or since: Kind of Blue.

I've bought several copies of Kind of Blue over the years, because every so often I'll encounter someone who hasn't ever heard it, and I'll hand them my copy and say, "Keep it - I'll get another one."

In honor of this watershed moment in jazz, enjoy Davis et al.'s rendition of "So What" on me.

Typo, or window into Cheffie's SOUL? Yeah, it's a typo.
I'm typing up a list of people for my company's web site. The list includes not only their names, but also their city and state of residence. For some reason, a large number of them are from New Jersey.

I can NOT stop my fingers from typing "Jew Jersey" EVERY. GODDAMNED. TIME.

I just checked my e-mail and saw the following two sequential spam subject lines:
100 beef and bovine recipes

Trial Colon Cleanse Sample
How did they know about my upcoming "Moo and Poo" theme party?

Looking at old entries...
How could I have forgotten I ever wrote this sentence?

All of the windows had bars, and none of the bars had windows.

Damn. I ought to write a book around that.

Yoinked from xo_kizzy_xo
Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this to your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given.

Here's what she gave me:

How you picked up "Chef": I've always loved to cook, especially for big groups of friends. Around the same time I was taking my first faltering steps into the online universe, I was toying with the idea of becoming a caterer, and had in fact catered a couple of parties. I needed a user name to join the Straight Dope Message Board (see below), and "Chef Troy" was available. The rest is history.

teaching: I've tried and failed to find work as a teacher in Dallas the past two years (I'm not bilingual and want to teach language arts. Two strikes, you're out.) I think I'd be good at the actual "standing in front of kids and teaching them about stuff" part, but these days teaching is only partly about that. All the administrative stuff, the dealing with crazy parents, and so on - I don't know how good I'd be at that. Maybe it's just as well that I finally found editing work, but every time I pick up my daughter from day care and all her little classmates crowd around asking me things, I still have that frisson of "I could totally do this."

the responsibilities of being a Doper: For those of you not in the know, this doesn't refer to reefer - a Doper is a member of the Straight Dope Message Board, or SDMB for short. "The Straight Dope" is a weekly column that originally ran in the Chicago Reader and now is in alternative newsweeklies all over the place. Want to know the number of calories in the average male ejaculation? Want to know the real lyrics to "Louie Louie? Cecil Adams, writer and resident omniscient, will find the answer. Over the years, a community sprang up online. We Dopers have taken Cecil's admonition to "fight ignorance" seriously and go out of our way to set people straight, whether they appreciate it or not.

cake:My favorite cake in the world is Black Forest cake. Not the cheap-ass stuff in the supermarket, either (sorry, xo_kizzy_xo!) - from a real bakery. I'm also very fond of the toasted coconut cake with pineapple sold at Neiman Marcus. I'll eat nearly any of it, though, as long as it's not dry.

three famous people you'd like to have dinner with: Anthony Bourdain, Julia Child, and Alton Brown.

Fish with feet everywhere raise their voices in praise
Happy Birthday, Charles Darwin. If not for your groundbreaking work, we would never have been treated to the evolution-themed episode of Ren & Stimpy, which featured a sharp-beaked chihuahua-bird pecking boogers out of Stimpy's nose. Bless you for making that possible, Charles.

Help me and ed_dirt
I seem to remember one of you folks saying that there's a way to keep Twitter posts from showing up on your friends page. Anybody know how it's done (if it can be and I'm not just Braziling here)?

More free grammar lessons from The Editor's Eye
Remember "Conjunction Junction" on Schoolhouse Rock! Saturday mornings back in the 70s? If you're too young, your lives are impoverished.

A conjunction is a word whose function is to connect two words or groups of words (always matching in type -- subject-conjunction-subject, clause-conjunction-clause, etc.). There are several types; the one we are discussing today is the coordinating conjunction, a category that includes the words for, and, nor, but, or, yet, and so. You may notice that this list of words acronymizes to "FANBOYS"; this is an excellent way to remember them.

Just to clarify the following, a clause is a group of words that contains both a subject and a verb (it may or may not be a complete sentence). The proper way to punctuate two independent (i.e., able to stand on their own as sentences) clauses joined by a coordinating conjunction is by putting a comma before the conjunction and nothing after it, like so:

"I saw yet another grammar mistake on a billboard, but my head didn't explode."

Do NOT do it this way:

"I saw yet another grammar mistake on a billboard; but, my head didn't explode."

On the other hand, it's:

"I saw yet another grammar mistake on a billboard; however, my head didn't explode."

NOT

"I saw yet another grammar mistake on a billboard, however my head didn't explode."

Why the apparent exception? Because however is NOT a coordinating conjunction -- it's an adverb, which is a different animal. The clauses in this example are joined together by the semicolon, which takes the place of a coordinating conjunction in this case. The word however is part of the second clause, and serves to modify, or supply additional information about, the verb "to explode."

If all this makes you feel like boulders are rolling around in your head, I recommend This site on diagramming sentences, which is a skill that will help you understand how all the words in a sentence work with each other.

(If anybody wants me to talk about correlative conjunctions or subordinating conjunctions, I will.)

Ten Reasons I Am Fat
I felt the need to write this down so I can actually LOOK at it, in hopes that I can find the courage to start dealing with my issues.

I eat just because someone else is eating and I want to "keep them company."

I keep eating after I'm full because there's only a little left (often actually an entire serving, or nearly) and I tell myself it's not worth putting it in Tupperware.

I finish my own food, and then if my wife or one of my kids doesn't finish theirs, I finish it for them.

I keep eating something even if it isn't very good, because I tell myself it's wasteful to just throw it out.

I eat late at night because I've stayed up long enough after dinner that another meal seems reasonable (Thanks a LOT for that "Fourthmeal" thing, Taco Bell!)

I order too much food at restaurants because I tell myself I want more variety -- a little of several things instead of a larger amount of just one thing -- and then eat all of each thing I've ordered.

Just from inertia, I keep ordering the same amount of food I used to get when I was even fatter, even though I would probably be satisfied with half as much.

I eat way too fast, even though I know consciously that I would eat less if I slowed down because my body would have a chance to tell me it was satisfied before I plowed through another dozen bites. (At least I DO know the source of this habit, and it made sense at the time, but no longer does.)

I tell myself I don't have time to exercise, even though I spend several hours a day reading/surfing the Net/watching TV.

I have a fat wife, and instead of spurring each other to do something about our obesity, we enable each other and avoid the subject.

When I started writing this list, I was in the act of doing #4 -- I got breakfast from the crap-eteria in my building, and I realized that I was continuing to shovel it in even as I was thinking to myself, "God, this is not very good." Even though it had broken through to my conscious mind what I was doing, it was surprisingly hard to break that programming and throw it away.

I am so depressed right now.